I think a lot about unlearning problematic behaviors and things society socialized into us.
The text on my graphic reads:
"We can't grow unless we are willing to be uncomfortable. If we are unwilling to be uncomfortable, then we are stagnant. Once stagnant, we run the danger of transforming into black holes, pulling those around us into accretion discs, trapped in an orbit of stagnancy, where problematic behaviors are normalized and never called out for fear of causing discomfort because discomfort and growth becomes the mark of evil rather than the mark of life.
We aren't black holes. We're stars, our light burning with the fusion of life, transforming over time into new and better human beings, but only if we're willing to let that transformation happen, to let ourselves grow." -- Aidan (Bird, ThatOneBirdWrites) of reshapingreality.org
I want to add that this thought is mostly me thinking about how so many White Cishet people get intensely upset, defensive, and harmful when they are uncomfortable to the point of hurting those around them.
At that point, they're stagnant; they are a black hole in their refusal to understand or admit that their uncomfortable feelings are rooted in shame, anger, or anxiety. No one likes to admit when they've done wrong or did a problematic thing, but we all do it at times.
(Yes, it's not just White Cishet folks that do this, but they are often the loudest. Anyone can fall into this behavior.)
We need to be able to recognize the behavior. Apologize and strive to do better. To not get caught in a black hole of stagnancy, but instead grow toward being a more loving person.
This is also why we need to be willing to stand up for others, to not let people get away with causing harm. With being bigoted.
We should not tolerate the intolerant people. Intolerant people have broken the social agreement, and thus they should not be tolerated. Their bigotry needs to be called out, no matter how much being called out might make them or others uncomfortable.
So if you find yourself defensive, think of this quote. If you're feeling uncomfortable, especially while talking with a marginalized person (Black, Indigenous, person of color, disabled folks, LGBTQIA folks, immigrants for instance), think of this quote.
Think of how you can listen to what the other person is saying.
If you don't understand what they're saying, then repeat back what you heard and ask, "Is that what you said? To make sure I got it right?"
Or ask for clarification, "So to understand, what do you mean by x?"
Take the lessons from that encounter and then look at your own core beliefs and worldviews, and consider whether they need adjusted. A lot of the time after we're called in for a hurtful behavior, we do need to adjust our worldview and unlearn the problematic thing.
Unlearning the bigotry society socialized into us from a young age is hard, and yes, it's lifelong.
But we should not balk at the labor needed to become a better, more loving, and more justice-oriented person.
Consider it an adventure. You're learning and leveling up toward a better, more just, more equitable, and more loving future.
But to build that future, we need to first build it within ourselves and our relationships and communities.
Thanks for reading.
Be safe.
#mindset #unlearning #BeingBetter
#communication
#justice #social justice
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